Keeping My Wits

(And a Moldy Knock from the Universe)

You know that moment when you realize—mid-bite—that something is not supposed to taste that way? Yeah, that was me and my moldy cheese incident the other day. Not just a little moldy, but full-on, hairy white and green moldy. Naturally, I didn’t realize this until after I had eaten it. (Pro tip: Always inspect your cheese before consumption)

Now, if that’s not a sign from the universe that dairy and I need to take a break, I don’t know what is! Honestly, this little food mishap only reinforces why I’m doing Whole30 in the first place—to be more mindful of what I put in my body, fuel myself with real, high-quality foods, and hopefully, not accidentally poison myself along the way. (I did enough poisoning of myself between 2000 and 2022)

Now then, let’s talk about my Whole30 plan! My goal is to complete the thirty-day elimination phase and then follow the reintroduction process. For those unfamiliar, Whole30 is a structured nutritional reset where you eliminate all the foods you love while trying to love new ones – just kidding. You can learn more about the Whole30 here.

When I’ve done Whole30 in the past, I just white-knuckled it and had a lot of ‘Sex with my pants on’ or “SWMPO” as the Whole30 co-creator Melissa Urban calls it. That means I ate things that were technically compliant but teetered the line on snacking without limits and not sticking to the true essence of the Whole30. This time, I’m using Real Plans to map out meals and create shopping lists, making the process easier and easing a bit of the planning burden. Most days, I coast through hours on nothing but coffee and Diet Pepsi, pushing through until I’m weak and I’ve got a pounding headache. Then, suddenly, I realize the problem and I start grabbing whatever is within reach (within limits, don’t be weird).

I haven’t always been this way, my eating habits took a turn when my main focus became “just don’t drink” – I started doing what us alchy’s call “Taking my comfort” – Oh yes. I took my comfort alright and now that I’m ready to re-examine the whole food situation, I realize I really backed myself into a corner with all that comfort food. Am I sorry? Hell no. I’m sober.

In past Whole30 experiences, giving up the booze was the hardest part but it was necessary for any chance at success. If I failed and decided to indulge in a forbidden beverage, all bets were off, and I was at the taqueria in 5.2 seconds. Because once I consume alcohol, some other entity takes over, and she is one hell of a riot but messy as hell.

Back to the plan… Each week, I’ll share a recap of how things are going—highs, lows, what’s working, what’s making me want to throw a tantrum, and, of course, some details of what I’m eating. But don’t worry, I won’t be posting food photos—this ain’t Rate My Plate and I find that whole habit odd in general. Moving forward, my focus is on embracing the full spirit of Whole30—ditching my old habits, prioritizing real, nourishing food, and seeing how my body responds when I truly commit to this process. It’s time for a reset, and I’m ready to see where this journey takes me.

If you’ve ever done Whole30, I’d love to hear your experiences! Any tips, favorite recipes, or warnings about unexpected withdrawal symptoms? Drop them in the comments (or just tell me you’ve also eaten something moldy before so I don’t feel alone).

Here’s to a fresh (and fungus-free) start!